Fake Thai Drunken Noodles
Inspired by Chrissy Teigen’s Actual Drunken Noodles, from Cravings
Yield: 2-4 servings
For the rice noodles:
1 one-pound bag Pad-Thai style fresh rice noodles (best) or 1 one-pound bag dried fettucine
Peanut or other neutral tasting high-heat refined oil, for the wok
4 ounces homemade or low-sodium chicken or vegetable broth
1 tablespoon oyster sauce
For the marinade:
1 pound boneless pork loin or pork roast, sliced into bite-sized pieces
1 teaspoon sesame oil
For the sauce:
2 tablespoons Golden Mountain Sauce or regular soy sauce (not lite)
1 tablespoon Mirin (unseasoned Japanese rice wine vinegar)
1 tablespoon Japanese rice whiskey, vodka, Vermouth, or non-peated scotch whiskey (optional)
1 tablespoon oyster sauce
1/4 teaspoon-2 tablespoons brown or palm sugar, to taste (see notes)
1/4 teaspoon-1 tablespoon Asian red hot pepper paste of your choice: Sriracha Sauce, sambal oelek, or a bit of crumbled dried Thai red pepper (see notes)
For the stir fry:
Peanut or other neutral refined high-heat oil, for the wok
2 scallions, trimmed and thinly sliced
2-4 garlic cloves, peeled and minced
1 piece ginger, about the size of your index fingernail, peeled, crushed, and minced
1/2 cup unsalted chicken or vegetable broth, if wok goes dry
Optional additions:
4-6 ounces vegetables of your choice, washed and cut into small pieces; blanch hard vegetables in boiling water first to ensure they are cooked through before stir-frying
Cilantro or parsley, for topping the bowls
Additional hot sauce, for the table
You will need a 14-inch wok or large, heavy-bottomed frying pan to make this dish. I prepared the noodles separately, in a 12-inch nonstick wok.
If adding hard vegetables like broccoli, greens, or the fresh bamboo shoot I used, blanch them now and set aside,
Prepare the noodles:
If you are using fettucine, prepare noodles following package instructions. Drain and set aside.
To prepare packaged rice noodles, set a large wok or your largest sturdy frying pan over high heat. Add a generous amount of peanut oil to the pan; noodles like to stick. Once the oil is shimmering, carefully add the noodles. Stir continuously. After a minute or two, noodles will begin softening. Add the oyster sauce. Stir continually for 30 seconds. Add the broth, stirring all the while. Rice noodles do not feel like flour noodles when ready; these will feel rather rigid. Taste if you aren’t sure. They should be pliable within minutes. Take pan off the heat.
Slice the pork into bite-sized pieces, trimming any large chunks of fat. Leaving a little fat is fine. Put pork in a bowl and mix with sesame oil. I find clean hands do this best.
You’ll need the 14-inch wok or large frying pan. If you used it to make the noodles, slide noodles into serving bowls or on a platter, rinse the wok/pan, and place over high heat. Add enough peanut oil to generously coat the bottom. When oil shimmers, add the ginger, garlic, and scallion. Stir-fry a moment or two, until you smell aromas rising. If you are adding hard vegetables, tip them in and cook. Add the pork and stir-fry about one minute.
Add the sauce. If you cooking soft vegetables, add them now. If pan looks dry, pour in a small amount of broth. Don’t swamp the wok, or final dish will be sodden.
Stir fry 3-4 minutes, until pork is cooked through, any vegetables are tender, and everything is ready.
To serve, either arrange noodles on a platter and pour the pork mixture atop it, or serve in individual deep bowls. Top with cilantro or parsley. Bring additional hot pepper sauce to table, if you wish. Leftovers improve the next day.
Notes:
If you avoid pork, this dish works beautifully with boneless chicken breast and thigh; I’ve tried it. It would also work with tofu.
If you are unable to find Pad-Thai style noodles, substitute dried fettucine. Do not use fresh. Prepare according to package instructions.
Golden Mountain Sauce is an all-around Thai seasoning similar to soy sauce. I buy mine at Ranch 99 Market. It is available online. You can use regular soy sauce instead.
I prefer very little sugar in savory dishes and used a tiny corner of a piece of palm sugar. If you want more, taste as you go.
This dish is supposed to be spicy; if you are sensitive to spicy foods or serving this to finicky eaters, start with a 1/2 teaspoon of your preferred paste or pepper and add slowly, tasting as you go. Or use only 1/2 teaspoon in the sauce, and serve more at the table so diners can customize.